In which Jimi Hendrix is blamed for the 2004 tsunami. Or something like that.

I have for months been putting off reading the entirety of James Sedgwick’s mammoth online screed headlined “A Declaration of Independence”, but the asteroid is getting closer by the minute and somehow Jimi Hendrix is involved. We have to get to the bottom of this. (The background is in Part 1.)

The Rock Prophecy website run by First Century Press is expanding as fast as that asteroid is approaching and its shrillness isn’t tapering off either. It sifts through the mainstream media reports about Apophis – the “asteroid craze” it says was actually generated by founder Michael Fairchild’s manuscript “Rock Prophecy”, not by a 1994 near-miss – and inserts snide remarks where the revelations should be.

It’s kind of hard to tell where James Sedgwick stops to breathe and Michael Fairchild takes over, but between them they’re hurling plenty of dangerous missiles into cyberspace. Dangerous, that is, if it wasn’t all so comical.

Now, let me see if I’ve got this straight:

* Michael Fairchild (pictured here, in a photo he seems to prefer) was the director-in-training of the official Jimi Hendrix production company and writing all the liner notes for the Hendrix CDs that MCA, Warner Bros and Polydor were releasing.

* Microsoft co-founder and Giant Hendrix Fan Paul Allen tapped Fairchild’s knowledge, then, out of jealousy, “destroyed” his career by persuading publishers to shun him. Fairchild’s book “Rock Prophecy” – “the most important explanation of civilisation”, Sedgwick incoherently calls it, was suppressed. Ah, but Amazon’s got it, and it’s available from his Rochester, NY-based website for $20 (allow two weeks for delivery).

* “Concepts from [the book] form the basis for stories like Da Vinci Code, and several TV programmes produced by Paul Allen.”

* Sedgwick is “seeking partners” to finance a series of movies based on Fairchild’s revelations about hurricane disasters, famine, soaring energy prices, what happened to all that tsunami-relief cash and NASA’s sudden change of heart about returning to the moon.

* NASA “made an unusual move” by renaming asteroid 2003 MN4 “Apophis” (the Greek word for “evil destruction”), but Hendrix knew this same asteroid as “Electric Love”. (It’s in the lyrcis! “I stand up next to a Mountain … Electric Love penetrates the sky … the Mountain falls in the sea, the Sun refused to shine”.)

* Jimi was born in 1942 at the exact same moment the Allies broke the Nazis’ Enigma machine code.

* When the second draft of “Rock Prophecy” was completed in August 1997, a huge triple rainbow appeared over Fairchild’s home.

* US Republicans quickly began labelling Democrats “elitists” after they saw how Fairchild used the term derogatorily in his 1988 “A Touch of Hendrix” manuscript.

* Washington had long planned an asteroid-deflection missile system but were going to tell taxpayers that, it’s okay, we’re aiming at North Korea, “a place that our State Department bribes into playing the role of ‘rogue nation’.”

The idea was to hide the system’s intent from the public in case they got demoralised and non-productive, but then MN4 was discovered and it was clear the missiles wouldn’t be ready in time. “So instead, Bush and Rumsfeld switched to the Noah’s Ark scheme – a colony on the moon for a few humans to retreat to in hopes that our species might survive.” (See also Paul Allen’s Space Ship One.)

This is pretty good, huh? And there’s more!

“Put simply, in brief, the most insightful and bright minds among us have been consigned to die in abject poverty over many centuries of domination by a so-called ‘quick-witted’ class of able dominators … The result is … a state of unpreparedness for asteroid disaster as the Rock looms into view.”

Then there’s this convulsive spasm of theorising about people born into privilege (the “lucky”) and the “cheefulized” (sic) people who won’t heed messengers like Jesus, Jimi and Michael Fairchild. And on it goes:

Hendrix was “a human evolutionary mutation with a ’sixth sense’.” He was planning to make a movie called “Moondust” to warn people about the coming asteroid impact, based on his observations, while astral travelling, of the Rock’s path.

Fairchild was going to make the film that Jimi never got around to, then whammo! the censors moved in. Paul Allen “spent $5 million for a bogus lawsuit aimed to stop Michael from becoming the next director of the Hendrix company. Paul Allen then proceeded to steal his insights about asteroids, evolution, blues, mutations and extinction. As part owner of Microsoft’s vast media empire, Mr Allen went on to produce dozens of movies and documentaries that advance lies about asteroids, and conceal the danger we’re all in.”

“All media worldwide today obey [Allen’s] orders to censor and suppress any mention of Fairchild. When the herd learns that a billionaire is persecuting the one who discovered the Hendrix prophecy, most of them ‘follow the money’ of the so-called ‘rich man’ and support Mr Allen’s savage brutality against Michael.”

Sedgwick casts Allen as Lucifer and Fairchild as Michael the Archangel “sent by the Deity” to save mankind.

But my absolutely favourite part of all is so far out there I would just love to believe it: The 2004 tsunami (the website calls it “the Christmas Star tsunami”) was caused by a meteor. The thinking goes like this: If the tsunami was caused by an 8.7-magnitude earthquake off Sumatra, how come the 9.0-magnitude earthquake three months later, centred just 100 miles from that same spot, didn’t do the same? Huh, huh? Because, fool, there was no meteor that time! The politicians are just covering the meteor strike up while they get on with building themselves escape rockets!

“Jimi’s prediction began to come true on December 26,” Fairchild (or Sedgwick) says, “at the same time that the Electric Love asteroid was revealed to be headed for Earth, due to impact on Friday the 13th in April of 2029 … But when people see the Hendrix connections to Retarded History that has caused us to be unprepared, the privileges of the so-called ‘rich’ get threatened. This is why dominators consider it priority to control our beliefs about the December 2004 Christmas Star impact.”

This is some guy who plays a character named Apophis in some sci-fi TV series I’ve never heard of but millions of kids watch. The show is evidently extremely popular, which means millions of kids know more about Apophis than I do.

First Century Press will supply Michael Fairchild on demand to explain “Why is the Jimi Hendrix Story Important?”, using “huge amounts of evidence”. And he’ll bring his Hendrix Rockprophecy Band.

Okay, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking “The Da Vinci Code???” Yes! Dan Brown’s book came out four years after Fairchild finished “Rock Prophecy”, and you’re not going to believe this, but it’s a carbon copy, or at least “Mr Brown’s stories were inspired by ‘Rock Prophecy’. Mainstream media has [sic] been concealing from the public these facts of history.”

Brown’s albino monk killer = the “near-albino blonde painter who lives like a monk (Monk=Monika)”, meaning Hendrix’s girlfriend Monika Danneman. Brown’s Fibonacci sequence blather = “the Hendrix numbers” in which three is the key numeral. Brown’s “PHI and soPHIe” = “Astro Man and catASTROphe Man”. Brown’s paintings by Leonardo = Monika’s paintings, Jimi having made her promise to work his drawings and ideas into her art.

There you go. Fess up, Dan Brown!

So what about poor old Jimi? Well, you’re just going to have to buy the book. But interestingly, Fairchild offers excerpts from a previously unknown 1969 interview somebody had with Hendrix – discovered after his book came out (leaving the question of exactly what is in his book).

Jimi: “There are a few chosen people that are here to help to get these people out of this certain sleepiness that they’re in … All they’re doing is making themselves weaker and weaker until their negatives come and just take them away, and that’s what’s gonna happen, then you’re going to have no world to live on … The solar system is going through a change soon and it’s going to affect the Earth itself … The world’s gonna go like topsy-turvy soon …

“Someday we’re going to go to the moon and find a hole big [impact] cavern carved out … There was a planet - how many planets are in the solar system? Nine. Now, there used to be 10, but then, like, there’s a whole asteroid belt that’s messed up now – right? … I believe there was a whole planet there, people that was so lost that they even put rockets on the side of their planet – ‘Let’s change orbits! Let me get warm!’ – and blew the whole thing, because it wasn’t happening for them.”

Err, right.

One more thing. “February 14, 2005: Valentine’s Day, and just as the US Missile Defence program suffers it’s third failed test in a row, and on the anniversary of NASA landing a space craft on the Eros (aka ‘Love’) asteroid in 2001, when Bill Gates was at the Hendrix museum in Seattle to announce that the new Windows, codenamed ‘Asteroid’ while in development, will now be named ‘XP’, meaning eXPperience, as in the Jimi Hendrix Experience – at this time in February 2005 the world astronomical community admits to London’s Independent newspaper that asteroid MN4 ‘will come closer than the orbit of many … satellites close enough for its orbit to be directly affected by the Earth’s gravity.’

The Independent is quoted:

“A giant asteroid the size of three football pitches will make the closest flyby of Earth in recorded history for an object of its size, scientists said yesterday. It will pass between the Earth and the Moon and will even come closer than the orbit of many telecommunications satellites … It will shine in the sky as a dim, fast-moving star – the first asteroid in modern times to be clearly visible from Earth without the aid of a telescope or binoculars …

“It will [pass] by the relative whisper of 36,000 kilometres – well within the orbit of geostationary satellites and about a 10th of the distance to the Moon … Professor Mark Bailey, director of the Armagh Observatory, said … it would come close enough for its orbit to be directly affected by the Earth’s gravity … ‘I think everyone is saying that it’s going to miss. It’ll pass so close though. It’s like being on a train station platform and watching an express train go by three feet away.’”

I’m pleased to be able to offer, at a low, low cost, blueprints for some truly excellent bomb shelters, as seen in a fascinating previous post. Don’t delay – time is on the asteroid’s side.