There was a while there in the ’70s when “Hollywood Squares” was one the daily TV staples in my house, back when it was in its prime, before it “jumped the shark”, as they say at JumpTheShark.com, and just got stoopid. As anyone over 40 knows, television – and comedy, for that matter – used to be a whole lot better.

My sister has just passed on a compilation of some the show’s best zingers that’s making the e-rounds, and while searching for a suitable illustration to go with them here, I see there’s a lot of “Squares” fans on the Net, still celebrating the memory of Wally Cox, Rose Marie and these clowns here …

Peter Marshall: In Hawaii, does it take more than three words to say “I Love You”?
Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

PM: When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

PM: According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

PM: Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

PM: Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

PM: When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
Charley Weaver: I’ll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.

PM: Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
Charley Weaver: His feet.

PM: Do female frogs croak?
Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

PM: If you’re going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.