In a long, long season of lost loved ones, Lydia finds fresh hope in the religion of her youth, and in the youth of the rural township (of which Jack becomes the reeve) a new lease on life in the 4-H organisation.

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Carolyn called me to stay with her while her sister Elsie was dying and I was with them until the end. It was very hard on Carolyn. Although there were cousins around, now that she was alone she relied on me to be with her and to talk to. I stayed as long as I could, but had to come home eventually, and Carolyn would call me, crying and wanting to talk. I was torn about how much time I could devote to Carolyn and home, but seeing as she really needed me, I went down as often as I could to just be there for her. I couldn’t get Carolyn to visit me before this, but now I insisted that she come up for a few days, and she finally agreed once she got a pet-sitter.

She loved it here, and one day on the way back to her place, we stopped at Tom and Roni’s to see Amanda. She was still very tiny, but quite alert and maturingand we had pictures taken with her.

The trips here seemed to help Carolyn to cope better, and I got fewer phone calls from her. She got back into leading Brownies and Sunday School and now had a cousin helping her. A woman who used to live on the street when I lived across from Carolyn asked her to babysit her two children, so Carolyn also got back into daycare. Slowly her life was settling back to normal, but she didn’t like living alone and being dependent on others to drive her places. I went with her one day to pick out a Lahsa Apso puppy, and now Carolyn had someone to look after, and that also helped.

Our house needed some major repairs to stop the rotting of the beams along the bottom, and we couldn’t find anyone to fix it. That’s when we began looking for a place that we might move to, but nothing suited us, and coming home one day I looked at our farm from a rise about a mile away and wondered why we ever thought we wanted to leave this place. The farm is situated in a low area where we can see for miles around, and there are trees by the house with fertile fields and gardens.

So we decided to try one more person to see if the bottom of the house could be fixed. It could! We hired the men, and besides fixing the beams we added another room, put in a split entrance to the basement and enclosed a front overhang roof, creating a nook off the kitchen.

We now had a TV den so the main living room could remain for company and the nook was turned into a room for Jack so he could lie down without me worrying about getting my couch dirty. We installed a day bed for him, hooked up a TV and he was all set.

Irvin came back a few times between moves from here to Thunder Bay, where he eventually ended up, but things weren’t very pleasant for any of us and I didn’t know how to make them better. All that bottled-up anger and resentment that he felt was now directed at us, and he blamed us for a lot of his problems and behaviour. Having finished high school, he applied to university in Thunder Bay, got a government grant and began his higher education, but things got too tough for him and he had to drop out. Whenever he ran into money problems he would call for a loan and I would put a bit of money into his account to tide him over. It got to the point that I was dreading getting a call from him, knowing it was going to be for money, but he was our son so I continued helping him. A couple of times he came home for Christmas and called his friends here, but some were now away working or going to school, so he didn’t see many of them.

I was getting worried about where his life was going, but he assured me he had it under control and would be fine. Irvin went to some crusade, and was so impressed that he was saved and born again. He now was very much into religion and left his fate into God’s hands, so he didn’t worry.

He also joined the Navy reserve and did a tour on the east Coast.

Debbie had a falling-out with her parents and now became closer to us, coming up for visits, and I was getting to know her two children better. With three of the four children not having any contact with their parents, I felt I had to step in as a surrogate and take on the unofficial role of grandmother to their children. I remembered them on their birthdays with a card and a small cheque, and made sure they either saw me occasionally or heard from me. At Christmas Tony and Stephen would call, but Irvin only called when he needed something.

Around this time I began my own reawakening in my faith, and had so many strange things happening in my life that I couldn’t overlook them. I started to attend Mass and had long talks with the priest. The one in Englehart soon wasn’t enough for me, so I talked to the one in New Liskeard as well and took religious courses from him. I just couldn’t get enough.

Things that were taught to me from childhood were all starting to come back to me, and I wanted to know more of the whys and hows of the Catholic religion. For about five years I attended daily Mass and still couldn’t get enough. I listened to a tape by some nun that explained what happened when a person got into a state such as I was in, and learned that it was like falling in love, when you just couldn’t be without the person, but eventually you settle down and that passion turns to daily love. I was so passionate for religion that I was driving everyone crazy, but it did all settle down, and the love remained.

I got involved in church activities and led a class of children preparing for their Confirmation. I enjoyed that so much that I began looking for some way to work with children, other than teaching school. Again, strange things happened to lead me to investigate the 4-H program, and it took a while but I eventually was accepted to become a 4-H leader.

Tom was now a father of a second daughter, Ashley, and I visited them each time I drove to Carolyn’s. I was always welcome at Tom’s home and I learned a bit about Tom’s years away from us, but I mainly filled in things that they both wanted to know about Tom’s early years. I gave them all my pictures of Tom and his brothers and sister since they had none. I also gave Tony all the pictures I had of him. He tried to establish a relationship with his parents and took Michael to visit, but he told me both parents acted cool towards him so he vowed never to go there again. Debbie had her pictures, so I didn’t need to give her any. Both boys were grateful for the pictures and I still had some for Stephen and Irvin.

The store was doing all right with video rentals, and we now got into game rentals as well. We had many children and youngsters renting the games and soon had quite a selection of different kinds of systems, but with each new system coming out people demanded more new games, and we just didn’t have the money to keep up. Besides, the other outlets also carried games so we had to compete to stay afloat. The big satellite dishes were now being replaced by the small Bell Express View and Star Choice dishes, and Jack was now a dealer for both companies. He spent a lot of time away from the store installing the new, smaller dishes, and I was needed in the store more hours. Over the years we had different help, but now Jack stayed in the store in the morning and I took over in the afternoon so he could go on calls.

Tony had his second son, Ryan, a year after Ashley was born, and I loved visiting all the little ones and spoiling them. Here’s a photo of Ryan and Michael.

Sister kept moving to different houses and Jack usually had to move her. He resented having all that carrying to do, but didn’t complain very much, and a couple of times got paid by the disability people.

One day I got a phone call from Carolyn’s cousin that I should come down as soon as I was able. Just before Christmas of ’93 her cousin had tried and tried to phone Carolyn but got no answer. She tried to visit her but Carolyn wouldn’t let her in, so she demanded that Carolyn open the door and what she saw shocked her. Carolyn’s arm was swollen to twice its size and she looked awful. Others were called and Carolyn was taken to the doctor, who found her in an advanced stage of cancer. Carolyn knew what was happening but didn’t want to go through the pain and suffering that her sister went through, so she did nothing. I couldn’t get away until after Christmas, but I called Carolyn and we spent a lot of time on the phone.

Over the holidays, I also got a call from one of the nuns where my aunt was living, in Winnipeg, to tell me she too had cancer and didn’t have long to live. If I wanted to see her before she died, I should make arrangements to visit her soon. I left here in the first week of January and went to see Carolyn, and because she had her cousin staying with her, I flew to Winnipeg to spend time with my aunt. I had a lovely time with her, having her tell me about herself as a young girl, and I could see how sick she had become since I last saw her. I left her in good hands and returned to Carolyn, but had to come home after a day or so.

The day after getting home, the nuns called that my aunt passed away on January 11, and did I want to come for the funeral? Back I went and lived with the nuns until everything was over.

By the time I returned to Ontario and saw Carolyn, her health had deteriorated so much that she had to have nurses round the clock because she wouldn’t go into the hospital. I now stayed with her as well, and we talked, when her medication allowed her to be lucid enough, remembering all the things we used to do together as children. Carolyn had a strong faith in her religion and that helped her a lot, but she was scared and occasionally cried about what was happening to her so rapidly.

At the time, there were four cats and two dogs living with her, so a friend took the dogs out, one cat went to the vet and the others stayed with her. Carolyn couldn’t eat anything but could manage a bit of soup, so I had to go to a restaurant to buy a cup of soup for her because we couldn’t use her gas stove for fear of the oxygen blowing up.

Carolyn and I knew each other so well that I could anticipate what she needed, and all she had to do was look at me and I knew what she required. This helped in her care, but even that wasn’t enough, and finally, in February, she slipped away.

I had lost my parents, my nephew, my aunt and Jack’s parents, and attended many funerals of friends and acquaintances, but Carolyn’s death hit me like no other. I just couldn’t accept that my childhood friend was now gone and I would never be able to talk to her or see her. I guess that’s what Carolyn must have felt when her sister died, and that’s why she turned to me so much afterwards. But I had no one to turn to in that way because there was no one around who knew us as children and could remember the things we went through. I took a long time getting over her death.

We now had to find homes for Carolyn’s pets. I took the dog, Sunshine, and one cat. The rest found homes elsewhere or, in the case of one sick cat and one elderly cat, have them put down. Sunshine was now my dog, and my only link to Carolyn, since she loved her so much. Jack didn’t object to me coming home with an extra cat and another dog, even though we had two of each already at home.

With no one to visit in Ancaster now, I didn’t make many trips down south anymore and didn’t get to visit Tony or Tom as often, and about this time, Tim married Monica.

I was still very involved with my church and made many friends there, but I now didn’t feel the need to attend daily Mass and only went on Sundays. Jack had become the Reeve of our township a few years before and was deeply involved with municipal duties. With all the work at the store and service calls, the township’s affairs and chores around the farm, he was overworked, and the money problems of the store had him very stressed. We wanted to sell our store, but the market had dropped and we wouldn’t be able to pay what we owed with what the store brought in, so we just kept going.

I was still “borrowing” children and having them stay here with me so we could do crafts, which I enjoyed and the children wanted for the fall fair. We sewed, did woodworking, made dozens of crafts and had fun. All the children who entered their things in the fall fair won prizes, and some even won the highest honour, a rosette. One girl even had her little purse taken to another fair and then exhibited at the Royal Winter Fair in Toronto. Actually her purse was quite gaudy, but she was so proud of it, and the judges agreed, so it was shown all over. I loved working with children and couldn’t wait to be accepted as a 4-H leader.

The 4-H program was run by the Ontario government, and they were on strike in early ’96 so I couldn’t begin my own club until April. I called some kids around here, and a friend and I began running my club by learning what 4-H was all about, since none of us had any experience with 4-H before. We had books to follow and did so, but we also improvised and made each meeting a fun experience for the kids. After awhile I began making up my own lessons, more suited to the age and experiences of the area children, since most projects were geared for southern Ontario and older children.

My club was run weekly during the school year, and since each project required six weeks to complete, we averaged about five to six clubs a year. We also held weekend projects where the children either slept all over my floors or in tents in the yard. This way we were able to do some really different projects, and the kids loved them. We learned about the Native North Americans, the Olympics, pirates and Inuits, and had an African safari and many others.

I was really very interested in the 4-H program and couldn’t do enough for the children. We had so much fun, and there were so many children wanting to join that we hardly had room in our house because I never turned anyone away.

I attended the 4-H Ontario annual meetings, first in Orillia, then in Barrie, and I now visited Tom’s family yearly and brought the girls home with me for visits. I loved having the little girls stay with me, and we did things that were farm related, like picking raspberries and making jam. They were so eager to learn things and I had such fun acting like a grandmother. We visited lakes, the parks and the town pool, as well as going horse riding. Some summers they participated in our 4-H projects and became members, receiving certificates to list their accomplishments. There were children here who became their friends, and as they grew older, also became their computer pals.

In 2000 I was hospitalised with chest pains, and that July they operated on a blocked valve in my heart. I was scared because of Mother’s problems, but now there were more up-to-date techniques for fixing this problem, and I pulled through without any complications. I considered myself lucky, because I got a letter from Brother saying he had had major surgery on his blocked valves and his was worse than mine. But we both made good recoveries and had no serious setbacks.

Continue to part 16.

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